Singing Those Taupe, Coral, and Ecru Blues
by D.L. Stewart (Tribune Media Services)
published in The San Francisco Chronicle

After decades of earnest discussions, heated debates and learned dissertations
about the differences between the sexes, I have managed to boil down the answer
to just one word.

The difference between men and women is taupe. Women believe there is a
taupe. Men do not. All other differences are incidental.

The road to this discovery begins In my favorite pub, where I am
waiting to meet my wife for a drink before dinner.

"Sorry I'm late," she says when she finally arrives. "I had trouble
making up my mind which sweater to wear. I couldn't decide between coral and
salmon."

"So, which one did you choose?" I ask.

"Obviously the coral," she replies. "I'm wearing it, aren't I?"

"That sweater's pink."

"It's coral," she insists. "I wore my pink sweater the other day with
the ecru slacks."

"There is no such color as ecru." I reply. "You made that up

"Ecru has been around for years. It was one of my favorite crayons when
I was a little gIrl."

"Exactly how many colors were there in your crayon box?"

"I just had the standard box of 128," she says. "Why? How many crayons
did you have in yours?"

"Eight. Except when Muriel Bates ate one of them,"

"No wonder you have no appreciation for colors."

"That's one more than Mother Nature needed to design an entire
rainbow," I point out.

"I think you're just colorblind and embarrassed to admit it," she says.

"What color is the wood on this bar?"

"That's easy," I answer. "It's brown."

"See there?" she replies, "It's not brown. It's taupe."

"Let's ask the bartender."

I summon the bartender and ask him what co1or the bar is.

"Brown," he says. A smile of satisfaction crosses my face.

"He's probably colorblind, too," my wife says. "Let's ask the waitress."

The waitress appears. We ask her what color the bar is.

"It's sort of between taupe and sepia," she says. A smile of
satisfaction crosses my wife's face.

The next thing we know, the entire place is filled with men shouting
"brown" and women responding "taupe."

It an argument, I suspect, that never will be settled to everyone's
satisfaction.

But, if it ever is, I'll be tickled coral.